The Journey of DSHA's First Marian Scholar, Mia Ruge, DSHA '24

8/21/2024

by Molly Shea

From the Spring Semester issue of The Word Magazine: story on pages 27-30.

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Mia Ruge, DSHA ’24, is a masterclass in human connection. As described by her classmates and teachers, she is genuine, brave, and spunky. She is curious and interested in the lives of others—she loves to ask questions. She loves freely. She is cheerful, uplifting, and full of life. She is goodness and kindness.

In the fall of 2020, Mia became DSHA’s first Marian Scholar; and this spring, she was the first to complete a full four-year course of study at DSHA. This spring, Mia accepted her certificate of completion as she walked the stage at graduation with her classmates to rounds of applause and tears that marked the collective gratitude for the gift of who she is and all she has taught the DSHA community at large.

Mia's Journey

Mia was born in Lanxi, China and lived her first four years in an orphanage. Her parents, Mark and Mary Ruge, describe her situation as living with “every imaginable deficit.” She slept on a board in an institutional setting, and lived these years without healthcare, love, or nurture, and with very little food.

The Ruges have two older sons, and also knew they wanted to adopt. Mary describes her first meeting with Mia: “When this child was put before us, we felt a calling and that we could handle this. When we met her, we had a couple of moments that were very overwhelming,” she shares, noting that when Mia was placed with them, she had no known language or speaking ability at the time. “We thought we could give her a home and a family. It took a while for her to get comfortable with us, but we could see that she was going to be a strong person who would choose joy.”

Mark adds, “It is not lost on us that since being at DSHA, she has received four years of surplus compared to what she lost her first four years in the orphanage.”

A Search for Inclusive Education

The Ruges moved to Milwaukee from the Washington, D.C., area when Mia was in 4th grade. They hoped for a Catholic school for Mia, who has a form of autism spectrum disorder which affects how she learns and processes the world around her. They found St. Robert's in Shorewood—known and honored for having a beloved inclusive education program in the K4-8 school.

“I am a product of Catholic education and so are our boys. I felt Mia deserved that, too, and would benefit from exploring her own spiritual journey,” Mary shares. “I wanted her to have the whole-child education and to have it with other children.”

Under the leadership of Principal Lauren Beckmann, the Ruges had a wonderful experience at St. Robert's. When Mia started her 7th grade year, they began thinking about high school. At the time, there were no inclusive, Catholic education program options in Wisconsin at the high school level, so they visited their local public high school.

“They had the biggest, heaviest doors. Mia couldn’t even open them,” Mark shares of the visit. “It was symbolic of the question we started to ask, ‘How is this even going to work? How is our daughter going to survive here?’”

So, the Ruges went to work.

Building the Marian Scholars Program

During Mia’s 7th grade year (2018-19), they called Dr. Kathleen Cepelka (current DSHA Board Member), who was at the time, Superintendent of Schools for the Archdiocese of Milwaukee, and asked if any of the high schools would consider adding an inclusive education program.

“She thought it was a great idea and immediately put us in touch with Bruce Varick [Associate Superintendent of Catholic Schools for the Archdiocese of Milwaukee],” Mark says. “We found a conference on inclusion in California sponsored by The National Catholic Board on Full Inclusion that Bruce attended. He loved it and came back to share with the principals [in the archdiocese].” This included Principal Dan Quesnell, unknown to the Ruges at the time, who had already been thinking about how an inclusive education program could benefit DSHA.

“At this point, we knew we had support from the archdiocese, it was a matter of convincing one of the high schools,” Mark says, noting it was a mighty ask and largely dependent on resources and adequate staffing, but also schoolwide support. “This kind of program only works if everyone—support staff to board—is all in.”

The Ruges made an appointment with Quesnell during the 2018-19 school year and were especially grateful for his interest in the meeting (after running into roadblocks in their search to speak with other schools along the way.) “Dan told us he’d had this in his heart for a while, and then we showed up,” Mark shares, noting it felt like a bit of miracle that things were starting to align.

“That conversation felt different to us—and hopeful. As we began to work with Dan we started to feel this could be one of the great blessings of Mia’s life,” Mary adds, also pointing to the support and alignment of President Katie Konieczny, DSHA ’92, who was in her first full year as president of DSHA, and had previously led a school in Chicago with a special education program.

Radical Inclusion

The Ruges and Quesnell got to work and began doing research on models for Catholic inclusion programs at various high schools throughout the country, including faculty, administrator, and student site visits to schools in Tennessee, Maryland, and Virginia.

The common theme to emerge from the collective research among successful programs was the peer mentor model. “It allows every aspect of the school day to be accessible,” Mark shares. “As we worked with DSHA, we knew that this could be a place where she could have a full high school experience—a place where she could experience radical inclusion.”

On March 17, 2020, the DSHA Board of Directors approved the implementation of the Marian Scholars Program for the upcoming year. The Ruges received the call the Friday before school transitioned to online learning. That summer, two experienced faculty were hired, Director of the Marian Scholars Program Mary Anderson, and Marian Scholars Faculty Gretchen Creten Caraher, DSHA ’93. And in the fall of 2020, the freshman class would begin a year of hybrid learning, and Mia entered a community she would change forever—in all the best ways.

Becoming a Dasher

Anderson and Caraher first met Mia the summer of 2020 in the Ruges' driveway—Mia was reading an Amelia Bedelia book and all were masked. “All of my questions were put at bay the second we met Mia,” Anderson shares. “She was delightful, and I immediately knew this was something we could do.”

During the 2020-21 school year, students engaged in both in-school and online learning during the height of COVID. On Mia’s three days per week at home, Anderson and Caraher worked with her in-person from the Ruges' back patio. It was not the ideal start for beginning of the program, but in hindsight, it allowed Mia a chance to connect with her teachers in a familiar environment and helped her learn and navigate Microsoft Teams. (Teams has become an essential component to Mia’s friendships and peer-to-peer connections. Throughout her four years, she has used it much like other teenagers might use text messaging to engage with her friends.)

On the days Mia was at school, she attended her classes with peer mentors, while Anderson and Caraher continued to work with her one-on-one during her resource hours in the Marian Scholars classroom. Mia continued to grow in her reading and writing abilities—she has become a very strong writer—along with growing socially, in her independence, and self-confidence.

Growth Through Friendships

During Mia’s sophomore year, she was joined by two additional Marian Scholars. Her junior year, four more scholars and Marian Scholars Faculty Kate Jirschele joined the program. As the program grew, and the limitations of COVID lessened, Mia’s relationships grew in abundance.

“The biggest area I have seen Mia flourish has been in her social skills. She’s had all of these models and sees what her peer mentors are doing,” Mary shares with gratitude. “She’s learned conversational skills and to connect in her friendships. She’s also grown in her empathy and in her spiritual journey, too.”

Mark adds, “We cannot put a value on what Mia’s peer mentors have provided all four years—they are the secret sauce. These high school juniors and seniors have been so kind and nurturing to Mia. She has truly felt part of the sisterhood.”

Mary and Mark point out that Mia’s peer mentors are not simply students who have been assigned to her. “These are real friendships,” says Mary. “It is not just people giving to Mia. She is giving back—a wonderful give and take.”

Mark adds, “The thing about being a handicapped child, is that it is much more difficult to make friends. Even average friends would be sensational. But the difference we've had here, between the way she is blossoming

and what it could be if she had no friends, is vast.”

Mia’s Marian Scholar teachers agree and have loved seeing her confidence and independence soar as her friendships grew. In her first couple of years, Mia needed assistance getting around the building. She would take trips with her peer mentors to visit some of her favorites, including Executive Administrative Assistant Dawn Hathaway to do a special handshake in the front office; Dining Services Supervisor Connie Hanson to see what was for lunch; retired Social Studies Faculty Sue Goulee whose room was down the hall; Campus Ministry for all the fun; and the entire Student Services Staff (whom she calls “the squad”) for hugs and to look at the school calendar and talk about the week. Over time, she began to navigate some of these outings on her own.

“To watch Mia her senior year shows how much she has learned,” Caraher says. “It wasn’t always easy for her. The thing people may not know is Mia is very resilient and willing to keep trying even when it was hard the day before. I admire her positive outlook and her enthusiasm. Here we are senior year, and she is so confident—in her friendships, her reading, her writing. I am so proud of her in so many ways.”

Jirschele adds that in the past two years she has noticed a fearlessness in Mia as she makes her way around school. “She will walk past a group of girls and use the same phrases she hears them say, but she will initiate it. ‘Hey girl!’ or ‘10 out of 10!’ or ‘Aced it!’. Mia makes people feel like they belong."

An ID Badge of Honor
Everywhere Mia went in the building, she loved to look at the school-issued ID cards given to faculty, staff, and students each year. Early on, it was a way for her to connect with others and learn names. It was also a way for her to see full faces given she started school when all were masked. She loved to see an ID, read the name of the person, look them in the eye, and then back at the ID. The IDs represented connection.

Over time, Hathaway began to print out extra IDs for Mia of friends, faculty, and staff. Over the course of four years, these IDs evolved from something that simply shared information, to a representation of people she loved. She kept them on a large metal ring, and as graduation neared, more IDs were added—a collection of friends that will go with her well after her time at DSHA is complete. (Caraher has since surprised her with a book to place her IDs in as a graduation present.)

A Trio of Best Friends

Two of the most special friendships Mia has formed are with the best friend duo of Stacy Ramirez, DSHA ’24, and Melanie Sanchez, DSHA ’24. The girls met their freshman year; they knew of Mia at this time but did not have a chance to meet her until sophomore year due to hybrid learning. Sanchez was Mia’s peer mentor their junior year during her Applied Wellness hour. This meant lots of board games, puzzles, and simply talking to get to know one another when not in a structured wellness experience. Ramirez had a study hall that hour and joined as often as possible.

“It was such a genuine friendship,” Ramirez says. “Mia became the light to our day that year.”

Mia started inviting Sanchez and Ramirez to her home for regular girls’ nights. They ate Chipotle or Qdoba, and spent time hanging out—decorating cookies, playing games, or just being together as friends do.

The last week of school at the Farewell Assembly, seniors were given superlatives as voted on by their class. Sanchez and Ramirez were voted “dynamic duo,” though they both had a similar reaction: “We think of ourselves as more of a three musketeers with Mia,” said Ramirez.

Both girls have an ongoing list of things they love and admire about Mia, though they point to what they have learned from her. Ramirez has learned how to be bold in initiating friendships from watching Mia do the same, saying, “Yes, people are going to be different, but watching her be so inclusive across friend groups and seeing how it is received so positively has showed me to do the same. She’s taught me to give people the benefit of the doubt.”

Sanchez adds, “Her confidence is amazing. She is so comfortable and unapologetically herself. It can be hard trying to fit in, and Mia just shows up innately as she is, without ever forcing anything.” Based on their last names, Mia and Sanchez sat next to each other at graduation; Sanchez helped Mia navigate the ceremony. The week prior, Sanchez was asked, “What does it mean that you get to sit next to Mia on such a special day?” Her answer was the epitome of a true teenage friendship, stated with zero pretense and in the most matter-of-fact tone: “I’m just glad I get to sit next to one of my best friends.”

The Last Day of School
Twice daily, DSHA holds all-school prayer over the intercom. A faculty or staff will say one of the prayers, and the other is read by a student. This was one of Mia’s favorite ways to engage with the community, and an area that helped her grow in her spiritual journey and in confidence. On the last day of school, Mia prayed over the intercom for a final time. Anderson introduced Mia and shared that this prayer was special, as one Mia wrote herself with gratitude for her time at DSHA. It is perhaps, the best representation of her thoughts about her four years of high school:

Dear Jesus, Thank you for giving us DSHA and for all the girls who go there. Thank you for all the different programs at DSHA. Thank you for the Marian Scholars Program.

Thank you for giving us Room 113 and everyone who comes to hang out with us there. They teach, listen to us, eat with us, play Uno with us, and a lot more. Thank you for helping us to learn from each other in Room 113.

Thank you for giving us the best Marian Scholar teachers. Thank you for the classroom teachers who welcome everyone into their classrooms and help us learn in our own way.

Thank you for everyone in Student Services, Campus Ministry, the main office, and the cafeteria who are all special friends of the Marian Scholars. They give us treats, ask about our day, add to our name tag collections, and they dance with us.

Thank you for the administrators who do a lot for the Marian Scholars Program and all the programs at DSHA.

Please, Jesus, help us to include everyone in learning and growing together always.

Amen.

This prayer will be published in the DSHA Prayer Book and hang in classrooms this fall.

Mia's Bright Future

Mia celebrated Baccalaureate Mass and Senior Honors night with her classmates. She was honored as the first Marian Scholar to complete a four-year course of study, accompanied by a standing ovation and a room full of tears of gratitude. The following day she celebrated graduation with her class. Before graduation, the class of 2024 gathered in a room together. Mia was in the sisterhood mix of love, laughter, hugs, and selfies. She was at home in a community she has helped become more whole and complete.

The Ruges moved to the Cincinnati area right after graduation for Mark’s job. Mia will continue her education there at Warren County Educational Center, a vocationally-focused public school.

The Ruges, along with Mia’s friends and teachers, are so very hopeful for her future. Sanchez and Ramirez know she will make great friends and plan to visit her soon. Anderson can see her working in a social setting, “Maybe a greeter in a hotel lobby or at a restaurant—she loves food!” Mark jokes, “Really, we need to figure out how to make sure she did not peak in high school! This has been the perfect place for her.”

Mary adds this: “We did not know how impactful the all-girls environment would be for Mia. Her love for her friendships, the way she lights up talking about her peer mentors—our daughter has been able to be a regular teenage girl. This was the perfect school for her. Her future is bright because of how she has been

loved here.”

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The Journey of DSHA's First Marian Scholar, Mia Ruge, DSHA '24

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